tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4248377807322549852024-03-08T16:11:36.867-05:00Mysterious UnfruitfulnessOur path from the bedroom to the doctor's officeUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-69635041387316277982009-09-02T10:11:00.003-04:002009-09-02T10:23:55.614-04:00Coming upIt's been a while since I posted, but I've just been so busy with the twins. I am gearing up to get back to posting and continuing providing information about IVF and infertility in general. Even if I can help one woman with her cycle question, or provide at least some insight on what to expect from this madness of infertility - it's worth every minute because I've been there for 2 years and I know how painful and hard it can be! I wish this didn't happen to me or to you. I truly wish we didn't have to be here and I wish you did not want to read this blog because infertility would never touch your life. But you are. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you that this too shall pass. And here I am after 5th successful IVF cycle still trying to let go, still trying to heal the scar that was left so deep in my heart, still trying to rebuild all the bridges burnt by this cruel infertility struggle.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-83808857094090176392009-03-25T10:01:00.002-04:002009-03-25T10:19:00.311-04:00Vegetarianism & IVFI belong to a couple of forums that are dedicated to IVF. Many times I see women ask questions whether them being a vegetarian or not eating enough meat negatively effects their cycle.<br /><br />Again, I am not a doctor, but if your do the research, you will see, that it does not. To my opinion being a vegetarian can actually help.<br /><br />I am a vegetarian for ethical reasons. I guess not a complete vegetarian because I do eat fish and eggs that are organic and were harvested from free-run (cage free) chickens. I constantly hear that vegans and vegetarians also do not usually get adequate amounts of vitamin B12, zinc, iron and folic acid. But, hello!, who does not take vitamins or supplements these days?! If you take multivitamin, this problem disappears.<br /><br />Contrary to popular opinion, protein intake in vegetarian and vegan diets is sometimes only slightly lower than in meat diets. For example, an average portion of roast chicken breast contains 24g protein. On average one vegetarian sausage/burger contains 27g of protein. Since becoming vegetarian I get more protein than ever. My suggestion - read labels. <br /><br />If anything you are probably doing your eggs good by following vegetarian diet. There are over 20,000 different drugs, including steroids, antibiotics, growth hormones and other veterinary drugs that are given to livestock animals. These drugs are consumed when animal foods are consumed. The dangers herein, in secondary consumption of antibiotics, are well documented.<br /><br />Vegetarians eat a lot of soy and that actually may help with IVF success!<br /><br />High doses of soy estrogens can improve pregnancy rates in women undergoing in vitro fertilization and embryo transfer, Italian researchers have found.<br /><br />Women who took 1,500 milligrams of soy isoflavones per day, along with progesterone injections, had significantly greater rates of implantation, ongoing pregnancy and delivery than women given progesterone injections with placebo, Dr. Vittorio Unfer of the Obstetrics and Gynecology Center in Rome and colleagues report.<br /><br />Also, many RE’s would agree that there is no conclusive proof that your specific diet would affect the number of recruitable follicles in your ovaries (which is really what ovarian reserve means) if you are cycling, and of normal weight.<br /><br />You should meet with a nutritionist to make sure that you are eating a balanced diet and getting adequate calories, fats, proteins and other nutrients as are important for any pregnancy to proceed well.<br /><br />You know, many countries where overpopulation is an issue (India for example) have populations that eat a mainly if not exclusively vegetarian diet!<br /><br />Hope this information will help you to start out on your own quest to better nutrition.<br /><br />Wishing you good luck, as always!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-19715157334972302302009-02-27T11:02:00.002-05:002009-02-27T11:10:44.145-05:00Poor Egg Quality...Really???I always hear stories of doctors telling their patients after a failed cycle that their egg quality is not good. Usually a patient entrusts their self into the hands of a doctor and leaves the office with a prognosis of future donor eggs. I don't like when that happens. I truly believe that some doctors take advantage of patients that do not do their own research and believe everything they say.<br /><br />First, let me ask you this - Did your RE explain exactly how your eggs are bad quality? What exactly is wrong with them? You should be able to find out that information. <br /><br />For example an egg is comprised of a shell (zona pellucida or just“zona”) and the cytoplasm (ooplasm) which, after fertilization, will grow and develop into the embryo. Every lab inspects eggs upon retrieval and they usually have to make notes of their findings. For example, a good egg would have a zona that is perfectly round, that does not have any distortions/deformities and is most often tightly surrounds the actual egg inside. So, if you have a poor egg quality, your RE should be able to to tell you, whether your eggs have a zona that is way too thick or deformed, which can prevent normal fertilization, embryo hatching and thus implantation. Also, you may have a cytoplasm that is way too big to properly surround and "snug" the egg, thus the actual egg within could potentially become damages from “floating” around. There are many more standards by which your eggs are evaluated like fragmentation, color, etc. Poor eggs sometimes will have dark color and look “degenerative” under the microscope.<br /><br />You must also know that currently, <span style="font-weight:bold;">there is not one single test out there that can conclusively determine egg quality</span>. There is no one perfect test for egg quality. Therefore most labs, and RE’s base their assumptions of your eggs ability to become fertilized and produce normal embryos. Therefore I also believe that just one or two failed IVF’s is not the end of the road, since in every cycle your eggs will differ depending on which particular eggs will be produced during that particular cycle. Each cycle is different with different eggs playing the game of baby making. Know that a normal looking egg may possess underlying genetic problems where an egg that appears “poor” may be chromosomally normal and go on to becoming a healthy baby.<br /><br />So please, don't take one doctor's opinion and give up on having your own babies. Like I said before, having a PhD does not mean they are not human and can predict your fate...You are strong and can’t try again, go for second opinion, third, forth if you need to. Also there are some clinics that specialize in giving women that other doctors gave up on, their own babies. I've heard amazing things about Cornell Center for Reproductive Medicine and Infertility in New York; Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine; SHER Institutes For Reproductive Medicine. <br /><br />Do your research and stay strong, don't give up. This road is tough but your are a fighter and you will hold your baby in your arms someday.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-88893041176266045612009-02-23T09:50:00.003-05:002009-02-23T09:54:50.258-05:00Pineapple - Miracle fruit?I don't think so...<br /><br />I don't believe in it. But here is the info if it helps.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Pineapple Juice</span><br />Usage: There is an old wives' tale floating around that pineapple juice will help a fertilized egg implant. However, pineapple juice is not recommended for use in TTC and/or pregnancy. In large doses, it can actually cause uterine contractions and bring on spontaneous abortions (miscarriage).<br /><br />Recommended Dosage: Drink only in small quantities, if at all.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Side Effects:</span> Large doses may cause uterine contractions, miscarriage, vomiting, diarrhea, skin rash, very heavy menstrual periods. Unripe pineapple is poisonous, causing excessive diarrhea.<br /><br />It’s not the pineapple itself but what is inside of it. Pineapple contains a chemical called <span style="font-weight:bold;">Bromelain</span>. Only fresh pineapple contains it and not pineapple juice where the enzyme bromelain is destroyed through heat/processing. Bromelain is a proteolytic enzyme that breaks up proteins that inhibit embryo implantation. <br /><br />Pinapple should not be consumed too early in the cycle because it can actually affect your vaginal and cervical mucus PH, making it more acidic. Sideeffect of too much pineapple (bromelain injestion) include nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, menorrhagia (excessively heavy menstrual flow) and possible allergic reactions. One study has also associated bromelain with increased heart rate. Also bromelain is contraindicated during pregnancy as it may cause uterine contractions.<br /><br /><a href="http://www.herbalextractsplus.com/bromelain.cfm"></a><br /><a href="http://www.nutritional-supplements-health-...-bromelain.html"></a><br /><a href="http://www.babysnark.com/ttc-supplements/ttc-supplements.asp"></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-40960963050981953692009-02-12T07:12:00.003-05:002009-02-12T08:54:24.368-05:00Crinone - Once or Twice?Well, someone asked me why some women use Crinone (Progesterone Gel) once a day and some use it twice a day.<br /><br />I am not a doctor but I have some thoughts on this. Also, medical community still does not have a final verdict on what is better (as you can see by example studies below) so I believe it depends on individual cases.<br /><br />For example, lets take my case. Usually one dose is sufficient enough because it is a very concentrated gel. I was originally prescribed only one. Once I became pregnant, I had unexplained bleeding for 2 weeks of bright red blood and passing clots. Freaky, I know. I decided to add one more dose just to be safe and my doctor agreed, but she said it might not have any advantages, but if I felt like it, just for my piece of mind, then go for it. After I started using two a day, my bleeding still continued, but at least I felt good about doing everything I can with respect to extra progesterone. Crinone 8% is generally used once a day though. Each doctor will individualize the correct dosing of Crinone 8% based on the patient’s needs and their situation.<br /><br />First, it depends whether you are prescribed Crinone 4% or Crinone 8% gel.<br /><br />Crinone 8% is generally used once a day though. Each doctor will individualize the correct dosing of Crinone 8% based on the patient’s needs and their situation.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Structure:</span><br /><br />Each applicator delivers 1.125 grams of Crinone gel containing either 45 mg (4% gel) or 90 mg (8% gel) of progesterone in a base containing glycerin, mineral oil, polycarbophil, carbomer 934P, hydrogenated palm oil<br />glyceride, sorbic acid, sodium hydroxide and purified water.<br /><br />Due to sustained release properties of Crinone, progesterone absorption is prolonged with an absorption half-life of approximately 25-50 hours, and an elimination half-life of 5-20 minutes.<br /><br />Possible explanation<br /><br />Assisted Reproductive Technology--Crinone 8% is administered vaginally at a dose of 90 mg once daily in women who require progesterone supplementation. Crinone 8% is administered vaginally at a dose of 90 mg twice daily in women with partial or complete ovarian failure who require progesterone replacement.<br /><br />Further, Jobanputra et al, in a donor-egg IVF study, showed that 100% “in-phase” endometrial biopsies, reassuring pregnancy rates (46–48% vs. 41%) and mis-carriage rates (14–33% vs. 25%) were seen at both the twice and once-daily dosing levels compared to intra-muscular therapy. Pregnancy rates were as high with vaginal as with intramuscular therapy. There were no significant differences in clinical pregnancy and implantation rate using twice-daily Crinone or once-daily Crinone.<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">(Jobanputra K, Toner JP, Denoncourt R, Gibbons WE. Crinone 8% (90mg) given once daily for progesterone replacement therapy in donor egg cycles. Fertil Steril 1999;72:980–4.)</span><br /><br />Although, In their study, Ho et al 1 report that using vaginal progesterone gel twice daily for luteal support resulted in better pregnancy outcomes than intramuscular progesterone. Vaginal progesterone gel seemed to offer more “targeted” delivery of progesterone to the uterus and improved endometrial receptivity.<br /><span style="font-style:italic;">(Ho CH, Chen SU, Peng FS, Chang CY, Yang YS. Luteal support for IVF/ICSI cycles with Crinone 8% (90 mg) twice daily results in higher pregnancy rates than with intramuscular progesterone. J Chin Med Assoc 2008;71:386–91.)</span><br /><br />Whatever you may choose at the end, make sure you consult with your doctor first.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-50462113469116278892009-02-01T17:24:00.000-05:002009-02-01T17:25:54.207-05:00It's not fair...and it hurts...just don't give up...I DO NOT appreciate hearing that it wasn't meant to be or that 'God' has reasons for doing things. First, when I hear 'it wasn't meant to be' I wonder why that crack whore was meant to get pregnant. I do not believe that 'God' has reasons for making people infertile any more than 'God' has reasons for children being molested or women being raped or animals being tortured. Why do wonderful loving people suffer their last moments dying of cancer, while child abusers shoot up cocaine into their veins for years and still have the time to beat the living spirit out of their girlfriends. Why? I do not believe 'God' has any control over those things cause in my eyes you can't just pick and choose what 'God' controls. Why when women get pregnant after numerous IVF, some praise God for it, not the science. Yet when something bad happens, no one mentions God. <span style=""> </span>I do not believe in God and I am not scared of hell. If you were in my shoes you would know – I’ve lived through it already.</p> <p class="MsoNormal"><br />I could have given up. I could have listened to EVERYONE around me tell me to stop doing this to myself. No one understands. Everyone just threw their irritating comments about me needing to stop the drugs, which made me gain weight, made me emotional. I was inconsolable. I could have started the adoption process. I could have had friends, memories, and fun times. All the things I missed while playing the stupid waiting game.<br /><br />I spent months taking drugs and medications. We spent a fortune on them. We could have gone to five star European resorts with that money. I missed travelling, seeing my family and more importantly, I missed my friends children grow up, and I missed my nephews growing up.<br /><br />I cried. Almost every day. I thought about infertility every hour.<br /><br />But it happened. Because I didn't give up.<br /><br />I still cry, and not happy tears. It still hurts. Until I hold this baby in my arms, it's still my dream....and I'll do number 10, 11 and 12 too. Whatever it takes to get my family. It's not a sick game because I'm competitive, and I want to win the prize, a bunch of babies. It's because I want more than ever to be a mom, and I deserve it.<br /><br />So do you. Please don't give up.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-70227211739062140872009-01-30T11:19:00.003-05:002009-01-30T14:46:46.380-05:00What now?I am not going to blog about my pregnancy. I feel very lucky to get here but we've worked hard to sacrifice many things, emotionally and financially, sacrificed parts of our lives and relationships with friends and family. It was hard and it does not get easier until I hold my babies in my arms.<br /><br />Having said that, I know your pain. I still feel it and instead of writing about my nausea and vomiting, I've decided I will do my best to try to find articles and new research information to try to help many many women that are still going through the nightmares of infertility.<br /><br />Research was always important to me and by educating myself I tried to get what I needed and wanted from my RE. I don't take no for an answer. I don't believe of giving your reproductive future to a doctor. No matter how educated and specialized they are - they are us - HUMAN. They have their own opinions and many of them choose not to perform certain protocol "tricks" because they think it's not worth it. Well, it is!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-36626839949474615982009-01-04T11:13:00.001-05:002009-02-14T19:29:21.463-05:00It was worth it, but I'm bitter...<b>First off I want to send hugs and sympathy to all those who are still trying, those who go though ups and downs of this infertility roller coaster, those who one day will be wonderful loving mothers. I do know the sorrow and disappointment you are feeling and I am thinking of you with the warmest and best of wishes for your turn to come, each and every one of you.</b><o:p></o:p><div class="fwBlogEntryBody"> <p id=""><o:p></o:p>Looking back, I still feel so bitter. I feel bitter because I had to pay to become pregnant. I had to endure many procedures and injections. I know I am lucky that it finally happened to me, while some women are still struggling. So why do I feel so jealous when I find out when someone got pregnant on their first try? I feel a sudden rush of emotions and can barely take a breath because tears swell my eyes. Why can’t I let it go? The truth is, I don’t know if I ever will. When I watch “Baby Stories” on Discovery Health where a couple had to go through infertility treatments, I cry. I cry with them, for them, because I still feel the pain. It still hurts…</p><img style="width: 215px; height: 232px;" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk212/Kats84/IVF/1107081007-00.jpg" border="0" /><img style="width: 110px; height: 215px;" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk212/Kats84/IVF/IMG_0342.jpg" border="0" /><img style="width: 305px; height: 228px;" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk212/Kats84/IVF/IMG_0354.jpg" border="0" /><img style="width: 139px; height: 223px;" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk212/Kats84/IVF/IMG_0345.jpg" border="0" /><img src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk212/Kats84/IVF/1102081055-01.jpg" border="0" /><img style="width: 177px; height: 193px;" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk212/Kats84/IVF/2079669514_c0316607f0_o.jpg" border="0" /><p id=""><img src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk212/Kats84/IVF/IMG_0418.jpg" border="0" /><img style="width: 242px; height: 161px;" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk212/Kats84/IVF/retrieval1.jpg" border="0" /><img style="width: 280px; height: 211px;" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk212/Kats84/IVF/IMG_0355-1.jpg" border="0" /><img src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk212/Kats84/IVF/IMG_0452-1.jpg" border="0" /><img style="width: 298px; height: 250px;" src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk212/Kats84/IVF/IMG_0359.jpg" border="0" /><img src="http://i281.photobucket.com/albums/kk212/Kats84/IVF/IMG_0370-1.jpg" border="0" /><p id=""><br /></p> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-82845158840973886512008-11-21T11:12:00.000-05:002009-01-30T11:13:26.706-05:00Beta#3 - 19 DPO (14dp5dt) & 1st U/S (4w5d)I got it <img src="http://images.freewebs.com/Images/Smilies/Round/biggrin.gif" /> I got my 3rd beta (hCG) and u/s<br /><br />When the technician took me in the room, she sounded kinda annoyed with me and kept on mumbling that she has no clue why the heck we are doing this ultrasound because I am only 4 weeks and 5 days today and there is absolutely nothing there to see...<br /><br />She was wrong....<br /><br />They failed to establish the reason for my bleeding but they <span style="background-color: transparent;">found two gestational sacs in my uterus. </span>I am not sure if we are having twins for sure just yet because I have heard of many girls who have gone through IVF and had <a target="_blank" href="http://www.americanpregnancy.org/multiples/vanishingtwin.html">vanishing twin</a> (see below). I am also way to early to even know if both gestational sacs will have a baby or not. Conclusion will be drawn at 7 week u/s with heartbeats, I guess.<br /><br />Needless to say, the ultrasound tech was extremely surprised to even see anything. I did not even expect to see anything but again, I did some research online and all websites say that a transvaginal ultrasound should be able to see at least a gestational sac once the hCG levels have reached between 1,000 - 2,000mIU/ml.<br /><br />I was very excited, but to tell you the truth, me and my husband are so freaked out by my bleeding that we almost try to imagine that I am not pregnant just in case something happens. I feel like I have this mood switched on, for self-preservation. I am scared to think I am pregnant because i am scared to death that if I loose it I will not know how to deal with the pain.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">One gestational sac is measuring at 4 weeks and 1 day</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Second gestational sac is measuring at 4 weeks and 0 days</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Beta (19DPO)(14dp5dt) is 2,073</span><br /><br />More than doubled again. I guess statistically everything is ok, just this annoying bleeding is bothering me so much. I am so scared I feel like this is just a sweet dream that I will eventually wake up from.<br /><br /><span style="color: navy; text-decoration: underline; background-color: gainsboro;">What is vanishing twin?</span><br />Once a twin pregnancy has been diagnosed by an very early ultrasound, about 1 in 5 of these will subsequently disappear before 12 weeks. When one of a twin conception fails to survive at this early stage, the remaining twin continues to develop normally and hormone levels stay high which prevents a miscarriage, though sometimes there is some vaginal bleeding. As the remaining twin grows, its sac spreads to fill the uterus and the contents of the other sac are absorbed.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-16926891398985031142008-11-20T11:10:00.000-05:002009-01-30T11:11:54.324-05:00I want an ultrasound!!!!!!!!!!!!Oh my....what a week for me...<br /><br /><img src="http://images.freewebs.com/Images/Smilies/Round/exclamation.gif" /> WARNING: TMI (Too much information)<br /><br />So I've been having clots and tissue come out. It freaks the living breath out of me. Everytime I have this bleeding my life turns into drama. So I called my wonderful RE yesterday and told her what is happening. It took a while to convince nurses to even let me speak to her.<br /><br />Here is my point: <span style="font-weight: bold;">I've been bleeding and passing clots for a week now</span>. My 1st u/s was scheduled for Dec 10 which is 3 weeks away. Let's say I have ectopic and because no one wants to check on me, in 3 weeks I will either bleed to death or my tubes will rapture. What the heck! I want and u/s!<br /><br />If I get my u/s tomorrow, I will be 4 weeks 5days along.<br /><br />It is so so early but I did some research and found that the gestational sac can be visualized as early as 4.5 weeks by trans vaginal technique. As long as hCG is over 1,500<br /><br />In my case, hCG should be over 1,500 tomorrow, since my beta yesterday was 831 so if I have normal pregnancy and it doubles, then my hCG tomorrow should be at least 1,662 to consider this pregnancy "normal"<br /><br /><img src="http://images.freewebs.com/Images/Smilies/Round/angry.gif" /> Annoyed....Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-3029683400961329152008-11-19T11:08:00.001-05:002009-01-30T11:10:09.833-05:00Beta#2 - 17 DPO (12dp5dt)Today is a good day...<br /><br />My second <span style="font-weight: bold;">BETA increased from 327 (15DPO) to 831 (17DPO)</span>...<br />Due to my bleeding I asked for my Progesterone to be measured too and it came back at 40.1<br /><br />I guess that is a good number so I still have no clue why am I bleeding then. I'm scared. Really scared that something so amazing could finish so fast and so soon. The worrying never stops. Maybe is I got pregnant naturally I would feel different. I beleive that all women becoming pregnant through assisted reproductive technology know this and could relate.<br /><br />My ultrasound is scheduled on December 10, 2008 @ 2pm.<br /><br />We'll see what happens.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-style: italic;">My small precious bean...please stay with us...We love you<br /></span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-88170644360155002352008-11-17T11:08:00.000-05:002009-01-30T11:08:46.091-05:00Beta#1 - 15 DPO (10dp5dt)Yes, I am still spotting but I should say it's less, much less. Mostly when I walk too much or sometimes in the mornings. No pad required though (TMI <img src="http://www.twoweekwait.com/community/modules/Forums/images/smiles/icon_redface.gif" alt="Embarassed" border="0" /> ) I hope it's ok. <br /><div class="fwBlogEntryBody"> <br />I got my beta <img src="http://www.twoweekwait.com/community/modules/Forums/images/smiles/icon_biggrin.gif" alt="Very Happy" border="0" /> <br />Today <span style="font-weight: bold;">I am 15 DPO (10dp5dt) and my beta is 327</span>. <br />I think I'm happy, just hard to be positive when having spotting and on and off bleeding.</div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-72814306824146550722008-11-15T11:05:00.001-05:002009-01-30T11:07:57.960-05:00Am I dreaming???<div class="fwBlogEntryTitle"><span style="cursor: default;" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='pointer'" onmouseout="this.style.cursor='default'" onclick="document.location='http://patientlywaiting.webs.com/myblogs.htm?blogentryid=4250206'">13 DPO</span></div> <div class="fwBlogEntryDate"><br /></div> Still have slight on and off bleeding...<br /><div class="fwBlogEntryBody"><p class="MsoNormal"> After 1 year and 10 months since we started trying to conceive a baby<br />After months of natural cycles<br />After 3 failed IUIs<br />4failed IVF<br />3 IVF cycles being canceled due to poor response<br />After laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, sonohysterogram & hysterosalpingogram<br />After spending out of the pocket this year (2008) alone $31,168.55 on meds and procedures<br />After genetic councilors tried to advise against IVF due to my BRCA1 cancer mutation gene<br />After almost getting the “donor egg” talk</p> <p class="MsoNormal">This just feels surreal and even more scary with the bleeding still here</p> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-71935214720484016702008-11-14T14:02:00.002-05:002009-02-14T19:27:10.988-05:0012 DPO - There's life inside me...What a day...So I was freaking out because I hated that evaporation line. I posted it on my two favourite websites (www.twoweekwait.com & www.ivf.ca) because I just wanted to share with the girls how unreliable those internet cheapies could be. Thanks to my online friends (I don't know how I could survive without their constant support) I went to Shoppers Drug Mart and got some more test. Spent $50 and felt like a fool.<br /><br />So I go into a bathroom at home and dip them all into my cup. Leave it and by the time I came back two bright pink lines were there....<br /><br />I started to shake and almost threw up..n I've never in my life expected this. I already moved on from this cycle because I had spotting and red blood come out and cramping and now this happens. I think I would be more excited if I did not have bleeding, because now with excitements comes worries. What ifs.<br /><br />Beta Monday, November 17Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-30824550082000496322008-11-14T11:00:00.001-05:002009-02-14T19:26:03.069-05:0012 DPO with Period but STUPID EVAPS!!!!!!!I have been spotting all day yesterday and today I have red stuff so my AF is here at 12 DPO <img src="http://www.twoweekwait.com/community/modules/Forums/images/smiles/icon_sad.gif" alt="Sad" border="0" /> Besides being frustrated with not being able to get pregnant, I Just don't understand why my body won't "listen" to medications that are supposed to hold of AF even if I'm not pregnant. Annoyed with that actually more than BFN.<br /><br />On top of that today I just decided to test one last time for fun and I got a nasty evap. Just proves how unreliable these tests are because I know it's not trigger so I hate this brand, but because AF is here I know for sure I'm out just again annoyed with stupid evap. Take a look at my tests since trigger and 10 DPO and today's is the last one.<br /><br />I will not buy FRER because I know I'm not pregnant, just wanted to share the stupid evap.<br />I know for sure it's evaporation line because I had brown spotting yesterday all day and today it turned to red light flow, so I know for sure this is AF .<br /><br />Just wanted to share because I am still annoyed with it because if AF wasn't here I would think it's a BFP too. Such a cruel joke....Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-71707644603719658372008-11-13T11:58:00.001-05:002009-02-14T19:24:46.429-05:00IVF#5 - 11DPO - I'm done...<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal;"><b><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Psychological distress<o:p></o:p></span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal">How do I feel…when all I feel is</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;">Gloom</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;"><span style=""> </span>Despair</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;">Hopelessness</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;"><span style=""> </span>Grief</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;">Sorrow</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;"><span style=""> </span>Heartache</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;">Anguish</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;"><span style=""> </span>Pain</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;">Torment</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;"><span style=""> </span>Misery</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;">Unhappiness</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;"><span style=""> </span>Sadness</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;">Mourning</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;"><span style=""> </span>Regret</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;">Distress</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;"><span style=""> </span>Suffering</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;">Agony</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; line-height: normal;">The life I live expresses the grief of being barren, childless, of not reproducing, and being unable to confirm one's relationship through parenthood.</p>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-60767656538035380162008-11-13T10:57:00.000-05:002009-01-30T10:58:19.087-05:00My buddies....BFNsSo since 10 DPO (5dp5dt) & today 11 DPO (6dp5dt) I've been getting BFNs.<br /><br />I know it's over because my stomach hurts and I have no symptoms except cramps and spotting just like last failed IVF at exactly the same time of 11 DPO. It even happened in the afternoon like last time. Ugh...Yeah, sure I felt ALL imaginary symptoms of elevated temperature of 37.2 C, "twinkles" in my uterus and imaginary movements in all other parts of my body.<br /><br />Actually as I'm typing I am coming to a great discovery that at this point my brain is so skillful of imagining and mimicking symptoms, that I should just dare myself to pretend to go into labor and experience it, since it seems like I never will otherwise....Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-14208464543856058602008-11-08T10:56:00.001-05:002009-02-14T19:24:03.776-05:00Trigger out in 8 daysJust tested my trigger and it's out at 8 days post trigger.<br />I was a bit surprised it was out so early, but I guess that's what happened.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-46143795666460741722008-11-07T10:54:00.000-05:002009-01-30T10:55:46.725-05:00IVF#5 - Transfer<div class="fwBlogEntryTitle"><span style="cursor: default;" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='pointer'" onmouseout="this.style.cursor='default'" onclick="document.location='http://patientlywaiting.webs.com/myblogs.htm?blogentryid=4225854'">Day 5 - Transfer</span></div> <div class="fwBlogEntryBody"> <p class="MsoNormal">…And so we get there. I change into my stunning blue robes and wait….</p> <p class="MsoNormal">My RE came to see us before we went into the procedure room.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“<span style="font-style: italic;">So are they still alive or have they all perished?</span>” I said</p> <p class="MsoNormal">She lets me know that she will go and check with the lab.</p> <p class="MsoNormal">Tick-tock.... Tick-tock.... Tick-tock.... Tick-tock....</p> <p class="MsoNormal">“<span style="font-style: italic;">Yes. They are all still there. You have two </span><a name="" style="color: blue; font-style: italic;" target="_blank" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blastocyst">blastocysts</a><span style="font-style: italic;"> that are both 2AB with grading of 1 being the best. Actually, one of them is already hatching out of its shell. The other three are still late </span><a style="color: blue; font-style: italic;" target="_blank" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Morula">morulas</a><span style="color: blue; font-style: italic;"> </span><span style="font-style: italic;">and we will continue to monitor them until tomorrow to see if you have any to freeze.</span>”</p> <p class="MsoNormal">A silent sigh….A very heavy stone fell off my chest. I can breathe. At least I get to have a transfer…and I did.</p> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-53532823940969269422008-11-05T10:53:00.000-05:002009-01-30T10:54:41.743-05:00IVF#5 - Day 3 embryo report<div class="fwBlogEntryTitle"><span style="cursor: default;" onmouseover="this.style.cursor='pointer'" onmouseout="this.style.cursor='default'" onclick="document.location='http://patientlywaiting.webs.com/myblogs.htm?blogentryid=4202576'">Day 3 embryo report</span></div> <br /> <img src="http://images.freewebs.com/Images/Smilies/Round/biggrin.gif" /> They're alive <img src="http://images.freewebs.com/Images/Smilies/Round/biggrin.gif" /> My miniature "babies" are still alive!!! Thank lab!!!!<br /><br />So they are:<br /><ul><li>10-cell Grade 1</li><li>8-cell Grage 1<br /></li><li>8-cell Grade 2<br /></li><li>7-cell Grade 1<br /></li><li>7-cell Grade 2</li></ul>I will not get any more updates. Starting day 3 morulas go through a crucial time of turning into blastocysts. Therefore, my clinic will not "disturb" them from their incubator. I am going to go to the clinic on Friday Nov 7th around 7am and have my transfer. Unfortunately, I will not know if there is even anything survived to transfer, but that is a chance we have to take.<br /><br />Please embabies, grow grow grow!!!!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-48698724463317114392008-11-04T10:52:00.000-05:002009-01-30T10:53:10.884-05:00IVF#5 - Day 2 embryo reportI just got my <u>Day 2 embryo report</u>.<br /><br />Out of 5 that fertilized yesterday, today those 5 are still "alive" and are:<br /><ul><li>7-cell Grade 1</li><li>5-cell Grage 1 A</li><li>4-cell Grade 2 A</li><li>4-cell Grade 2 A</li><li>2-cell Grade 2</li></ul>My clinic grades from 1-4<br />1 being the best<br /><br />But I am sad still and worried like crazy that they won't make it to day 5. I cannot even watch TV because I cannot stop thinking about it. I wish I fell into deep coma and woke up on Friday. So frustrated with this wait and we don't have many embryos to play the waiting game withUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-38081985160289524712008-11-03T09:51:00.000-05:002009-01-30T10:52:25.794-05:00IVF#5 - Fertilization reportI get my reports early. So:<br /><div class="fwBlogEntryBody"> <br />10 eggs retrieved<br />7 mature<br />5 fertilized<br /><br />I'll be getting daily updates up until my transfer (if I get one). Oh, I hope at least one will survive to Friday.<br /><img src="http://images.freewebs.com/Images/Smilies/Round/sad.gif" /></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-90034072908354047302008-11-02T10:48:00.001-05:002009-01-30T10:51:34.132-05:00IVF#5 - Retrieval<span style="font-weight: bold;">Retrieval will be on CD 20!</span><br /><br />Drama last night. I realized that I took trigger at 11:30pm on Friday; so my ER was supposed to be on 11:30 today on Sunday. We'll tonight the clock went back 1 hour because of daylight saving time, so if I came today at 11:30 am for ER, my body would really "think" it's 12:30am. That's 37 hours post trigger. ER should be 36 hours after trigger, yet my clinic did not say anything about that. I called the nurse yesterday night and freaked out so they change my ER to 10:30am (11:30am old time) today. Confusing, isn't it? Well, my body is on it's own clock and cannot adjust to our society's standards....Anyway....Just shoked my clinic would disregard something that important when they leave me messages with "make sure you take it exactly on time , only 5min plus or minus"...<br /><br />In total disbelief since <span style="font-weight: bold;">we got 10 eggs</span>. (last IVF got only 5 eggs/ 3 were mature + got canceled 3 times prior due to poor response) I cannot believe I almost got canceled on Monday. Look what happened in 5 days. I went from 4 to 10 <img src="http://www.twoweekwait.com/community/modules/Forums/images/smiles/icon_eek.gif" alt="Shocked" border="0" /> so weird.<br /><br />I know not all will be mature but I think at least 6 should be. Also getting my fertilization update tomorrow.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"> My ET is Friday (Nov 7)</span> regardless. We will not do 3day even if we have 1 embryo left, so I might not even make it to transfer yet. We just want to see if it's an embryo problem (it stops growing after 3 days) or maybe it's uterine implantation. This is the only way we'll know. Unfortunately it's a risk we have to take.<br /><br />Feeling fine. Just regular post ER pain/cramps/light headedness. Nothing that I can't handle in order to have a baby in my arms someday...Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-64762282647188035552008-10-31T11:47:00.000-04:002009-01-30T10:48:10.583-05:00He was right!<img src="http://images.freewebs.com/Images/Smilies/Round/biggrin.gif" /> He was so right!!!!!! I have more follicles that FINALLY caught up by <span style="font-weight: bold;">CD 18 today</span>. Wow, this is a very long cycle. Very long but it seems like by the end, my follicles caught up a bit.<br /><br />I don't have many on my left ovary, but I think it's because I have a cyst there. It was there from the start but we decided to proceed with this cycle regardless. It was 1.2 cm at the beginning and grew to 1.5 cm by today. I read somewhere that cyst "drain" estrogen from the ovary, so probably that's why even though there were 10 antral follicles discovered there during my base u/s, only 1 is somewhat growing...<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">CD 18 today - I am triggering tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!!</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-424837780732254985.post-61982586820229980792008-10-27T10:44:00.001-04:002009-01-30T10:47:19.948-05:00Thanks to my husband...Cycle day 14....<br /><br />Only because if him and his persuasion, I decided to fight back. I was gonna give up, but he said "don't quit" and I won't...I wasn't even going to purchase any more meds. I called him and said, that's it! I'm done with this cycle. In a calm voice he encouraged me to give this cycle one more day, so I bought the meds.<br /><br />Spoke to my RE and decided to give this stupid cycle 4 more days of injections. If by Friday (Oct 31) I am not at least close to being triggered, then we'll cancel on Friday. That will be cycle day 18!!!!<br /><br />I doubt those miniature follicles will ever catch up. I only have 1.3 / 1.2 / 1.1 / 1.0 / 0.7<br />Estrogen only 1,993 (CAN) or 543(US)....<br /><br /><img src="http://images.freewebs.com/Images/Smilies/Round/mad.gif" />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0