Beta#3 - 19 DPO (14dp5dt) & 1st U/S (4w5d)

I got it I got my 3rd beta (hCG) and u/s

When the technician took me in the room, she sounded kinda annoyed with me and kept on mumbling that she has no clue why the heck we are doing this ultrasound because I am only 4 weeks and 5 days today and there is absolutely nothing there to see...

She was wrong....

They failed to establish the reason for my bleeding but they found two gestational sacs in my uterus. I am not sure if we are having twins for sure just yet because I have heard of many girls who have gone through IVF and had vanishing twin (see below). I am also way to early to even know if both gestational sacs will have a baby or not. Conclusion will be drawn at 7 week u/s with heartbeats, I guess.

Needless to say, the ultrasound tech was extremely surprised to even see anything. I did not even expect to see anything but again, I did some research online and all websites say that a transvaginal ultrasound should be able to see at least a gestational sac once the hCG levels have reached between 1,000 - 2,000mIU/ml.

I was very excited, but to tell you the truth, me and my husband are so freaked out by my bleeding that we almost try to imagine that I am not pregnant just in case something happens. I feel like I have this mood switched on, for self-preservation. I am scared to think I am pregnant because i am scared to death that if I loose it I will not know how to deal with the pain.

One gestational sac is measuring at 4 weeks and 1 day
Second gestational sac is measuring at 4 weeks and 0 days
Beta (19DPO)(14dp5dt) is 2,073

More than doubled again. I guess statistically everything is ok, just this annoying bleeding is bothering me so much. I am so scared I feel like this is just a sweet dream that I will eventually wake up from.

What is vanishing twin?
Once a twin pregnancy has been diagnosed by an very early ultrasound, about 1 in 5 of these will subsequently disappear before 12 weeks. When one of a twin conception fails to survive at this early stage, the remaining twin continues to develop normally and hormone levels stay high which prevents a miscarriage, though sometimes there is some vaginal bleeding. As the remaining twin grows, its sac spreads to fill the uterus and the contents of the other sac are absorbed.

I want an ultrasound!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh my....what a week for me...

WARNING: TMI (Too much information)

So I've been having clots and tissue come out. It freaks the living breath out of me. Everytime I have this bleeding my life turns into drama. So I called my wonderful RE yesterday and told her what is happening. It took a while to convince nurses to even let me speak to her.

Here is my point: I've been bleeding and passing clots for a week now. My 1st u/s was scheduled for Dec 10 which is 3 weeks away. Let's say I have ectopic and because no one wants to check on me, in 3 weeks I will either bleed to death or my tubes will rapture. What the heck! I want and u/s!

If I get my u/s tomorrow, I will be 4 weeks 5days along.

It is so so early but I did some research and found that the gestational sac can be visualized as early as 4.5 weeks by trans vaginal technique. As long as hCG is over 1,500

In my case, hCG should be over 1,500 tomorrow, since my beta yesterday was 831 so if I have normal pregnancy and it doubles, then my hCG tomorrow should be at least 1,662 to consider this pregnancy "normal"

Annoyed....

Beta#2 - 17 DPO (12dp5dt)

Today is a good day...

My second BETA increased from 327 (15DPO) to 831 (17DPO)...
Due to my bleeding I asked for my Progesterone to be measured too and it came back at 40.1

I guess that is a good number so I still have no clue why am I bleeding then. I'm scared. Really scared that something so amazing could finish so fast and so soon. The worrying never stops. Maybe is I got pregnant naturally I would feel different. I beleive that all women becoming pregnant through assisted reproductive technology know this and could relate.

My ultrasound is scheduled on December 10, 2008 @ 2pm.

We'll see what happens.

My small precious bean...please stay with us...We love you

Beta#1 - 15 DPO (10dp5dt)

Yes, I am still spotting but I should say it's less, much less. Mostly when I walk too much or sometimes in the mornings. No pad required though (TMI ) I hope it's ok.

I got my beta
Today I am 15 DPO (10dp5dt) and my beta is 327.
I think I'm happy, just hard to be positive when having spotting and on and off bleeding.

Am I dreaming???

13 DPO

Still have slight on and off bleeding...

After 1 year and 10 months since we started trying to conceive a baby
After months of natural cycles
After 3 failed IUIs
4failed IVF
3 IVF cycles being canceled due to poor response
After laparoscopy, hysteroscopy, sonohysterogram & hysterosalpingogram
After spending out of the pocket this year (2008) alone $31,168.55 on meds and procedures
After genetic councilors tried to advise against IVF due to my BRCA1 cancer mutation gene
After almost getting the “donor egg” talk

This just feels surreal and even more scary with the bleeding still here

12 DPO - There's life inside me...

What a day...So I was freaking out because I hated that evaporation line. I posted it on my two favourite websites (www.twoweekwait.com & www.ivf.ca) because I just wanted to share with the girls how unreliable those internet cheapies could be. Thanks to my online friends (I don't know how I could survive without their constant support) I went to Shoppers Drug Mart and got some more test. Spent $50 and felt like a fool.

So I go into a bathroom at home and dip them all into my cup. Leave it and by the time I came back two bright pink lines were there....

I started to shake and almost threw up..n I've never in my life expected this. I already moved on from this cycle because I had spotting and red blood come out and cramping and now this happens. I think I would be more excited if I did not have bleeding, because now with excitements comes worries. What ifs.

Beta Monday, November 17

12 DPO with Period but STUPID EVAPS!!!!!!!

I have been spotting all day yesterday and today I have red stuff so my AF is here at 12 DPO Besides being frustrated with not being able to get pregnant, I Just don't understand why my body won't "listen" to medications that are supposed to hold of AF even if I'm not pregnant. Annoyed with that actually more than BFN.

On top of that today I just decided to test one last time for fun and I got a nasty evap. Just proves how unreliable these tests are because I know it's not trigger so I hate this brand, but because AF is here I know for sure I'm out just again annoyed with stupid evap. Take a look at my tests since trigger and 10 DPO and today's is the last one.

I will not buy FRER because I know I'm not pregnant, just wanted to share the stupid evap.
I know for sure it's evaporation line because I had brown spotting yesterday all day and today it turned to red light flow, so I know for sure this is AF .

Just wanted to share because I am still annoyed with it because if AF wasn't here I would think it's a BFP too. Such a cruel joke....

IVF#5 - 11DPO - I'm done...

Psychological distress

How do I feel…when all I feel is

Gloom

Despair

Hopelessness

Grief

Sorrow

Heartache

Anguish

Pain

Torment

Misery

Unhappiness

Sadness

Mourning

Regret

Distress

Suffering

Agony

The life I live expresses the grief of being barren, childless, of not reproducing, and being unable to confirm one's relationship through parenthood.

My buddies....BFNs

So since 10 DPO (5dp5dt) & today 11 DPO (6dp5dt) I've been getting BFNs.

I know it's over because my stomach hurts and I have no symptoms except cramps and spotting just like last failed IVF at exactly the same time of 11 DPO. It even happened in the afternoon like last time. Ugh...Yeah, sure I felt ALL imaginary symptoms of elevated temperature of 37.2 C, "twinkles" in my uterus and imaginary movements in all other parts of my body.

Actually as I'm typing I am coming to a great discovery that at this point my brain is so skillful of imagining and mimicking symptoms, that I should just dare myself to pretend to go into labor and experience it, since it seems like I never will otherwise....

Trigger out in 8 days

Just tested my trigger and it's out at 8 days post trigger.
I was a bit surprised it was out so early, but I guess that's what happened.

IVF#5 - Transfer

Day 5 - Transfer

…And so we get there. I change into my stunning blue robes and wait….

My RE came to see us before we went into the procedure room.

“So are they still alive or have they all perished?” I said

She lets me know that she will go and check with the lab.

Tick-tock.... Tick-tock.... Tick-tock.... Tick-tock....

“Yes. They are all still there. You have two blastocysts that are both 2AB with grading of 1 being the best. Actually, one of them is already hatching out of its shell. The other three are still late morulas and we will continue to monitor them until tomorrow to see if you have any to freeze.”

A silent sigh….A very heavy stone fell off my chest. I can breathe. At least I get to have a transfer…and I did.

IVF#5 - Day 3 embryo report

Day 3 embryo report

They're alive My miniature "babies" are still alive!!! Thank lab!!!!

So they are:

• 10-cell Grade 1
• 8-cell Grage 1
  
• 8-cell Grade 2
  
• 7-cell Grade 1
  
• 7-cell Grade 2

I will not get any more updates. Starting day 3 morulas go through a crucial time of turning into blastocysts. Therefore, my clinic will not "disturb" them from their incubator. I am going to go to the clinic on Friday Nov 7th around 7am and have my transfer. Unfortunately, I will not know if there is even anything survived to transfer, but that is a chance we have to take.

Please embabies, grow grow grow!!!!

IVF#5 - Day 2 embryo report

I just got my Day 2 embryo report.

Out of 5 that fertilized yesterday, today those 5 are still "alive" and are:

• 7-cell Grade 1
• 5-cell Grage 1 A
• 4-cell Grade 2 A
• 4-cell Grade 2 A
• 2-cell Grade 2

My clinic grades from 1-4
1 being the best

But I am sad still and worried like crazy that they won't make it to day 5. I cannot even watch TV because I cannot stop thinking about it. I wish I fell into deep coma and woke up on Friday. So frustrated with this wait and we don't have many embryos to play the waiting game with

IVF#5 - Fertilization report

I get my reports early. So:

10 eggs retrieved
7 mature
5 fertilized

I'll be getting daily updates up until my transfer (if I get one). Oh, I hope at least one will survive to Friday.

IVF#5 - Retrieval

Retrieval will be on CD 20!

Drama last night. I realized that I took trigger at 11:30pm on Friday; so my ER was supposed to be on 11:30 today on Sunday. We'll tonight the clock went back 1 hour because of daylight saving time, so if I came today at 11:30 am for ER, my body would really "think" it's 12:30am. That's 37 hours post trigger. ER should be 36 hours after trigger, yet my clinic did not say anything about that. I called the nurse yesterday night and freaked out so they change my ER to 10:30am (11:30am old time) today. Confusing, isn't it? Well, my body is on it's own clock and cannot adjust to our society's standards....Anyway....Just shoked my clinic would disregard something that important when they leave me messages with "make sure you take it exactly on time , only 5min plus or minus"...

In total disbelief since we got 10 eggs. (last IVF got only 5 eggs/ 3 were mature + got canceled 3 times prior due to poor response) I cannot believe I almost got canceled on Monday. Look what happened in 5 days. I went from 4 to 10 so weird.

I know not all will be mature but I think at least 6 should be. Also getting my fertilization update tomorrow.

My ET is Friday (Nov 7) regardless. We will not do 3day even if we have 1 embryo left, so I might not even make it to transfer yet. We just want to see if it's an embryo problem (it stops growing after 3 days) or maybe it's uterine implantation. This is the only way we'll know. Unfortunately it's a risk we have to take.

Feeling fine. Just regular post ER pain/cramps/light headedness. Nothing that I can't handle in order to have a baby in my arms someday...